I just had a sudden wave of panic as I was browsing the Craigslist job postings for Los Angeles. I’m not sure what brought it on. I guess I just thought about how I don’t actually have a job lined up, despite the fact that I’ve been applying for stuff for a while now, and have been saying I’m already living in L.A., so the fact that I’m still in Dallas can’t at least partially explain why I haven’t gotten many responses. It’s as though I’m already in California, and haven’t been able to find a job for a month. And when I actually move, I won’t have an income, but I’ll still have all my financial responsibilities. And what if I can’t find another job in one month? Or two? How long will I be able to hold out?

But I’ll just have to hold out, my creditors be damned. I can’t keep living in Dallas, just treading water. I already feel like my time here has been my Lost Year; I don’t want it to turn into two, or three, before I finally just give up and go back to grad school. To be sure, I’ve had a lot of fun here, but at the same time I feel like I haven’t made any kind of progress. I don’t like being twenty-three and still living at home. If I just take the plunge and move, I’ll have to make it, because I won’t have any other choice. It’s that thought that calms me whenever I have these moments of anxiety.